Prosilience #32: Seeing Possibility
Using the Positivity muscle to engage and sustain your energy
Positivity
The Prosilience framework includes a set of seven muscles1 we use to "resilience" our way through a wide range of challenges. This post focuses on one of the foundational or “core” muscles: Positivity—the ability to see hope and opportunity even in the midst of uncertainty and adversity.
The Positivity muscle is important for several reasons:
It helps us engage our energy. When faced with challenges, we have a choice: move toward the challenge, putting energy into solving problems and addressing obstacles, or step back, allowing our energy to shift into worry, rumination, and doubt.
It helps us stay motivated. Difficult situations often take time to resolve, and typically include setbacks, disappointments, and energy-draining emotions. Sometimes the only thing that allows us to eventually move through a challenge is the ability to keep putting one foot in front of the other rather than giving up.
It helps create “lift.” Our energy is continually moving upward or downward, with small movements activating positive or negative spirals of feelings, thoughts, and actions. Engaging our Positivity can create “micro-boosts” or “glimmers” that help us shift the direction of our energy flow.
An Active Choice
Engaging this muscle typically requires an intentional decision—to look for what’s going right, to find small things to be grateful for, to spot possibilities in the middle of chaos, and to choose to be hopeful rather than discouraged. When things are really tough, this is a choice we need to make repeatedly.
In what situations have you noticed yourself or others around you actively choosing to engage your Positivity muscle?
Based in Reality
Positivity doesn’t mean ignoring problems, avoiding uncomfortable feelings, or overlooking real reasons for unhappiness. Pretending everything’s OK when it’s really not and suppressing emotions such as fear, anger, or sadness is not healthy. Our goal is to face reality while seeking to maintain hope.
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end—which you can never afford to lose—with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.” —James Stockdale, Vietnam POW
Using Other Muscles
Any of the resilience muscles can be overused when it used in an isolated way. To achieve the benefits of Positivity while avoiding the risk of denying real threats or avoiding necessary action, we need to balance this muscle with others, including Creativity, which helps us see multiple perspectives; Connection, which helps us reach out to others; and Confidence, which helps us trust our own judgment.
How do you make sure you’re supporting your own positivity with other mindsets and tools?
Building and Strengthening Positivity
Like most things, Positivity becomes easier with practice. Our brains are wired to notice threats and problems—it’s a survival mechanism. But we can also train ourselves to notice strengths, successes, and possibilities. Here are some actions to build your Positivity muscle:
Reframing Challenges
The stories we tell ourselves about events influence our emotions and actions. Reframing is the practice of shifting our perspective on a situation to see it in a more constructive light.
Instead of “I failed,” try “I learned something valuable.”
Instead of “This is impossible,” try “What’s one small step I can take?”
Instead of “I have no control,” try “What’s within my influence?”
Think of a challenge you’re currently facing. Do you see it as an opportunity for growth and learning? If not, can you think of any ways to reframe it in more hopeful light?
Practicing Gratitude
Gratitude is the act of being thankful—for the things we often take for granted, for bright spots in the world, for moments of happiness. Taking a moment to appreciate small wins, supportive relationships, or even simple joys can provide a mental and emotional reset and serve as a bit of exercise for your positivity muscle.
My husband is a self-described “defensive pessimist”—his natural tendency is to focus on what might go wrong and guard against it. This can be a very useful mindset in certain situations, but we have found that it can feel heavy at times and needs to be balanced with appreciation for the good things in our life. We have begun a practice of taking a moment when we sit down to dinner to share one thing we're grateful for at that moment.
Can you think of three things—big or small—that you’re grateful for today?
Surrounding Yourself with Positivity
Although positive emotions are contagious, negative ones are even more so. It takes some effort to counterbalance this effect. The people we spend time with, the media we consume, and the habits we develop all influence our outlook. As you go through your day, pay attention to what lifts you up and what drains you, and choose those things that nourish your positivity.
What people and activities in your life create a sense of lift?
What activities help you reset and regain a positive perspective?
Who are your role models for Positivity? How do they navigate challenges with hope and persistence? What can you learn from their approach?
When All Else Fails…
On several occasions I’ve had people ask me what advice I have for those days when they just can’t bring forth any positive energy. Sometimes they are in a truly awful situation—war or natural disaster, the loss of a loved one, or something equally devastating. Sometimes they are struggling with mental health issues such as depression or anxiety. My response typically focuses on two things.
First, its OK. You need to acknowledge and honor what you are feeling and not try to manufacture positivity when it’s not there. Give yourself some grace and patience, and take a little time to just breathe.
Second, make sure you are tending to your energy. Our resilience muscles run on a supply of physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy. When this energy is depleted, the muscles don’t work very well. Small steps like listening to music, getting outside, or receiving a hug can sometimes help. You can find additional strategies in this post on replenishing energy.
“Embracing the Suck”
Some people also find it helpful to use a strategy called "embrace the suck." The phrase comes from military culture, where soldiers use it as a reminder to accept and push through discomfort, hardship, or frustration rather than resist it. In the context of Positivity, it doesn’t mean pretending that difficult situations are enjoyable. Instead, it’s about recognizing that challenges are part of the process, finding meaning in them, and using them as fuel for growth. This perspective can help in a couple of ways:
Struggling against difficulty can drain energy. When we accept that some things are tough but temporary, we free up mental space to focus on solutions.
Adversity can be a training ground for resilience. If we can learn from a situation rather than just enduring it, we are likely to build confidence and skills that we can use for future challenges.
A Little Bit of Inspiration
If you would like an example to help you focus on the mindset of Positivity, you might enjoy this TedX talk from photographer Dewitt Jones, whose theme is “Celebrate What’s Right with the World!” I find the visual imagery of his work very powerful.
Conclusion
Positivity is one of the core muscles of resilience. It fuels our ability to take on challenges, persist through difficulties, and see opportunities where others see dead ends. By reframing setbacks, focusing on the good, and balancing optimism with realism, you can strengthen your ability to navigate life’s ups and downs with greater ease and effectiveness.
I’ve written posts about several of the other Prosilience muscles (with the rest to come soon)! Here are links in case you’re interested:
Positivity
Creativity
Connection
Structure