Prosilience #27: Stepping Forward

Using the Confidence muscle to approach challenges

Edu Lauton on Unsplash

Confidence

The Prosilience framework includes a set of seven muscles we use to “resilience” our way through a wide range of challenges. This post focuses on the second of these muscles: Confidence,¹ which helps us recognize the things we can do to effectively address situations that draw on our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy.

The Confidence muscle is important for several reasons:

1. It gets us moving. When we encounter challenges, our first impulse is often to step back. Recognizing and believing in our own capabilities makes it more likely that we will see the potential benefits of taking action.
   A friend invited me to try stand-up paddleboarding, which I’d never done before. My belief that I could learn how to do it, even if I fell in the water a few times along the way, got me out there and I had a great time.

2. It keeps us going. As we encounter difficulties and setbacks, we can see them as evidence of our own lack of skill, or as invitations to keep trying new strategies that will move us in a positive direction. Believing in our own ability to learn, grow, and improve helps us get keep going or get back into the game after encountering a bump in the road rather than giving up or quitting.
   The first business I started was a complete failure. I could have decided that I wasn’t cut out to be an entrepreneur, but I was able to draw on my own confidence and encouragement from others and do it again.

What are some of the situations you’ve encountered where you drew on your confidence to do something unfamiliar, exciting, or scary? How have you helped yourself keep going when you have encountered roadblocks, obstacles, and difficulties?

Role Models

One of the ways we learn how to apply our resilience muscles is to observe what other people do. When we find role models, we can use them as sources of inspiration. Here’s one role model I found for Confidence:

I found this drawing at a neighborhood craft fair last year. The artist’s big sister was selling homemade Christmas ornaments, and their mom was staffing the booth. I saw this picture and asked about it. She said her young son had decided to put some art out for sale as well. If you look at the lower right-hand corner, you’ll see that it’s a limited edition of 10 prints, and I bought the first one. For $1.

What I love about this is that the artist didn’t think twice about whether it was “good enough.” He just made some art and put it out there into the world. This image has come back to me many times since then—when writing these posts, playing music with friends, and exploring new ideas. It also reminds me of some wisdom from one of my mentors:

Think of yourself as a musician with your own radio station, specializing in a particular type of music that truly speaks to your heart and that you are particularly good at playing. Your broadcast goes out in all directions, but only a certain number of the people it reaches have their radios tuned to your frequency, and only a subset of those people is drawn to the kind of music you provide. 
Most people judge themselves (and are judged by others) based on the number of people who listen to their “station.” When this is the goal, the only way to succeed is to appeal to the widest possible range of interests and needs. However, catering to what others want to hear usually comes at the expense of playing your own music. If you prioritize audience size over the music of your heart, you will never be a virtuoso. 
—Daryl Conner

Who are some of your role models for confidence? What inspires you about what they do? How might you try some of their strategies in your own life?
What would you like to do with your confidence? Is there a particular kind of “music” you would like to bring to those who are listening?

Strengthening Your Confidence

Here are some ideas to help you think about how to tap into your own confidence and build additional strength.

Self-Efficacy

Psychologists use the term self-efficacy to describe the beliefs people have about their ability to accomplish things.² High levels of self-efficacy are associated with increased willingness to take on challenges, and with lower levels of stress and depression. We build self-efficacy by personally experiencing success in tasks that are meaningful to us, and by seeing others who are similar to us succeed at something difficult. Here are some ideas that might be helpful:

• Identify your strengths. Each of us has a unique combination of talents and abilities. Some of these things seem to be with us from the moment we are born, and others are developed through practice. We often underestimate our own strengths, focusing instead on the things we don’t do as well as we would like. Take some time to think about past accomplishments, skills you have developed, things others have said you do well, and activities that feel easy and pleasurable for you, and create a picture of your own strengths.

• Experience success. Find activities that feel a little bit challenging but not overwhelming, and give them a try. If you don’t succeed at first, see what you can learn and then keep going.³ If it's helpful to you, find a coach or teacher who can support your learning. Each time you feel a sense of accomplishment and mastery, you build your confidence.

What are some of your strengths? How would you describe your “superpowers”? If you’re having a hard time thinking of strengths, ask some people who care about you to tell you what they see, or consider working with a career counselor or advisor to complete an assessment of your skills and aptitudes.
What small things might you do to experience success? Bake a cake, complete a craft project, take a solo walk, learn some words in another language…the options are limitless!

Embodiment

There is a physical element to confidence as well. Having a sense of strength and ease of motion in your body can help you feel more powerful and capable. Here are some approaches to “embodying” confidence.

• Strengthen your posture. Notice how you feel when you slump over and droop your head. Compare that to how you feel when you straighten your spine, hold your head high, and bring your shoulders back and down. Periodically take time to notice your posture and straighten up tall.

• Ground yourself. When you feel “grounded”—connected to the earth beneath you as you stand or sit—you may experience a greater sense of capability as well. Take a moment to envision roots growing beneath you that extend deep into the earth. Imagine energy flowing into you from this source.

• Find your center. In martial arts such as aikido, there is an emphasis on the “hara,” or physical center of the body (in the area of your abdomen a little below your navel)—as a source of power. See what happens if you focus on breathing into this area and periodically bringing your attention to this part of your body. Try walking and moving while focusing on this area.

• Increase fluidity. Move and twist your body and notice where it moves easily and where your muscles and joints feel tight or knotted up. Take some time to stretch and bend, and see how this increased flexibility changes your perspective on the world.

How do you feel confidence in your body? What postures and movements increase your sense of capability and well-being? What actions can you take to build your “embodied confidence”?

Conclusion

Confidence is one of the “core muscles” of resilience. Along with Positivity, it provides the motivation to move toward new challenges, and even to intentionally choose new challenges to explore. By understanding how it works, identifying role models, and taking steps to strengthen your self-efficacy and to embed confidence in your body, you can build on the inner strength you already possess and increase your ability to thrive in a turbulent world.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this issue of the Prosilience newsletter. See you in a couple of weeks for the next installment.

1. I have written about Experimenting, and will address the others in future posts.

2. Do you remember the story of The Little Engine that Could? “I think I can, I think I can…” is one of my self-efficacy mantras.

3. This is an example of applying a growth mindset, which you can learn more about in this post on building resilient kids.